I had no choice but to dig up my two dead "hardy and resilient" plants. They looked sad and pathetic in the front yard for everyone to see. I felt like that myself and envisioned my neighbors, friends, family even my daughters, looking at me the same way. The always "hardy and resilient" mom now looking sad and pathetic. It did not matter to me that is was not my fault, I did not choose to get sick and I did not choose to leave my successful job. Nonetheless, there I was digging up the plants I felt sorry for and feeling sorry for myself at the same time.
I was still lucky though-I was able to go back to Lowe's and walk the outside lawn and garden in the sunshine. This time I was on a mission...I decided to buy what I liked, what I thought would look good in the yard and to just try my best. Sounds simple doesn't it? Most of us do that everyday with basic things and don't even think about it. However, for us overachievers, the ones that are really hard on ourselves, it's not that easy. I must have purchased 15 different types of shrubs and flowers that day. I was proud of myself for just taking a chance. Wow, that sounds silly. Taking a chance on buying flowers. What a wild and crazy day. I unloaded the car and spent the next several days arranging the plants in different places, stepping back to the street to look, checking out the curb appeal. I was taking this serious. Some of the plants died before I could plant them. Some just did not look right with the style of my house. Some I kept and eventually took the chance again and planted them. Aaahh, I was relieved that it was done. I was not happy though and did not know why. I did what I set out to do for the day. What was going on?
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